LIVING  not IN YOUR OWN HOME

What if you are 'castaway' to live in your kins for the first time? How would you feel living with them for some of the rest of your life?

No, you are not given the choice to reside anywhere where you are free to do just anyhting like sleeping all day, going home late, or make 'gimik' anytime you want to.. You are not going to rent a house because your father says "you live in your uncle and tita!"

There. But you'll have free board and lodging, u dont worry water n electric bills, plus maybe u will have time to shop, watch movies of ur choice and dine at any fancy restaurant. Hmmm..seems exciting.

But it could get nasty soon after you take a needed rest. They would ask some unrelated questions digging up your past as if you could not live with them if you cant satisfy their queries. Though you want to break the uncomfortable barrier but it isnt easy as you think it is. Your lips are zipped. It's just hard to undo the silence.  

Next scene would be dinner with the entire family. You imagine that it could be the best time to share your experiences. You picture yourself poking a joke while telling your story. Your aim is to just feel at 'home'.

But you become stony to open up your mouth. All you can hear is the clattering of chinawares. You couldnt even look around to see the varied faces of your cousins. You begin to sweat because of the spicy food being served. After three handfuls of chewing and swallowing you doze yourself with a cold, cold water and say "thanks, i'm finish." That's all!

Your anxiety goes wilder because you become worried not to commit mistake.  You consciously count all your movements hoping that they might not catch you lest they would utter bad remarks to u. Every nag of your tita to your cousins seems piercing to your body  because you feel you are the one who is concerned.

Eventually you'd realized it is much safer to live in your uncle's house than in any other house for rent. Safety is the first thing that comes to most parent's minds when they plan to send their children to school hundred miles from their homes. It's less risky than by making your papa n mama worry that one day you'll find someone and get hooked romantically withouth their guidance.

So it is a sacrifice and a self-discipline. And building trust, too. All that might occur while you mingle with your kins are part of learning process. It could also be a blessing not in disguise. Our relatives, father or mother sides, are our family's link. We'll be able to discover more of our roots. They will unleash some secrets of life that may be different when we are at our own home.

In any situation, it's true that it is difficult when it is the first time. But as you go on you'll be ok and would get along with them.